Oh boy, what a year it has been! Filled with so much life changing events, so many unforgettable concerts, comedy shows, etc. Sometimes I wish I could just go back and just relive one of those moments just so I can be happy one more time.
To begin with this year didn’t start off as well as I thought it would. Most was due to family issues, which was something I just couldn’t deal with any longer so…the next month in February I decided to move away from California for good maybe. No matter how many times I will say it I have to admit that coming to Utah was one of the best decisions I have ever made!
Anywho, let’s just jump right into it!
Here’s an excerpt from last years journal log:
**warning it’s not very pretty**
Dec. 30, 2017 Saturday Terra Bella, CA
“What an emotional year it has been I mean honestly, if I can go back and witness everything that has happened I would feel a bit horrible and happy at the same time. So desperate to relive the past just to stay in a specific moment for the rest of my life.
Moving on into that summer after (high school) graduation I moved back to LA to seek my life there at the community college LACC (Los Angeles City College)…I honestly thought everything was at last falling into place, but I was wrong.
God was I wrong. So much happened in a single day that I can’t believe I had to leave […] After that mishap I had to return to Porterville. I went to PC (Porterville College) which wasn’t that bad I guess my first semester wasn’t as horrible as I thought it would be-stressful and quite fun. I met so many new people and made one friend.
I lost so much this year, yet I gained a lot more as well. God took my uncle and blessed my sister with a child I do wish her all the best and please protect them both I beg you. My dear uncle left too soon and as a result I also watched my other uncle leave for Mexico for the funeral. Not only that my aunt is moving as well and who knows when I will be seeing them again.
I also lost respect for myself by that I mean I have thought of suicide too many times and it’s gotten to the point where I would hate myself. But I’ve gotten better lately really, I mean I am feeling a lot more confident in my own skin than I was several years ago. There were times I was convinced that I AM beautiful. But you know then there are my bad days that like to kick in.
Then when something happened it changed my life-I began to take photos of random things which sparked my new passion for photography! I began to start filming, why? I don’t know it just clicked. […] And so as this year comes to a close I am willing not to start again but to continue fighting. Fighting for my happiness, of course. May the new year be slightly better than this year. I want to be happy. I’m getting tougher on my own, but I will not let anyone push me around anymore because this life is too short to throw it all away.” -Vivian Glitchet 8:09 pm (“The Globalist” Muse)
In the beginning of this year I knew how badly I wanted to change both mentally and physically. That is when I heard about JackSepticEye wanting to become mentally stronger he introduced the community to something called Positive Mental Attitude (PMA). The thing about PMA isn’t about slapping on a happy face and forcing yourself to be “happy” even when you really aren’t. Just remember that it’s okay to have one of those bad days you’ve just got to take that bad day and own it! Learn from what you felt that day so you can find ways to look for the good in each day no matter how shitty it was.
Just this single phrase has saved my life. Literally.
So thank you Seán very much for becoming the beacon of light that showed us how to better ourselves during times of grief. And being one of the most humble and generous men on the internet. With the videos you make to entertain us I couldn’t thank you enough for all your kind words and becoming an advocate for supporting people with mental illnesses. I hope to meet you one day in person.
Last summer my dad and I searched around for any place that would help me get better with my photography skills. After wondering through the Internet that’s I eventually found Pictureline. Let me just mention how much I really love the classes they offer!
Dedicated professional photographers teaching a class room filled with people of all ages I felt like for an armature like me I knew I was going to get so much better!
And I guess I might have improved quite a lot than how I first started.
Although this year was filled with blood, sweat, and tears there was those occasional bad days. Even the people I love and the things I enjoy couldn’t keep the nightmares away. There was times throughout my “summertime sadness” I would feel just completely lonely. I mean my dad was the only person I knew and I love him to death but I was feeling homesick I missed my brother, I missed my sisters, and my mom.
Don’t get me wrong I would message my sisters constantly literally everyday.
Not only was loneliness part of the problem it was just not knowing how my mom and little sister are doing.
I honestly am happy to say this has been one of the greatest year of my life.
There is so much to look forward to next year. I can’t wait to see what the future will bring but I hope that I get a step closer to my happily ever after.
I hope everyone had an amazing Christmas and wish every one of you a very happy new year!