Memory

As I get older I fear that eventually my memory is going to fade and I won’t be able to tell that it even is. I don’t want to forget about the wonderful things that I’ve seen or forget about all the people I’ve met in my life. I mean I’ve encountered so many different types of people and most of them have been so inspirational, talented, or just overall a great human being.

Personally, I know I have forgotten so much of my childhood though there is this faint memory in the back of my head that calls back to Kindergarten. You see, our brains can replay a certain moment you think is real, but the more you really think about how it actually happened eventually at a certain point that memory will have been rewritten so many times you’ll start to wonder…is it even real?

In reality, just don’t want to forget.

Of course, there are those bad memories some of us actually want to never remember, but why does it seem like only the traumatic things get jammed into your brain instead of the good moments? Though if I were to tell you the worst memory I can still recall would have to be the moment my mother was diagnosed with a brain tumor.

It was about a year or two ago when my mom was taken to the hospital by one of my aunts because apparently my mom was acting a bit weird and not like herself. She would do things like constantly brush something off of her clothes repeated although there wasn’t anything on her. When my aunt noticed that she knew something was wrong.

And so, to the hospital we went. The doctors and nurses gave my mom a MRI scan to see what was up and when the results came back…it was confirmed.

The size of the tumor was something that frightened all of us. I thought my entire world was crumbling down on me I couldn’t understand how this could be happening to a woman who has devoted her life to raise her children and giving them everything she had.

I couldn’t stop crying is all I can say for now.

Luckily, as time passed and having chemotherapy my mom is said to be cancer-free though it is not guaranteed it will fade away for good, but as long as she keeps herself in good health she should be just fine thankfully.

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As I collect all these photographs and write down about the great day I’ve had I figure that if I cling onto these items I will still have a piece of my life that I will never forget. It makes me sad to think that one day I’ll forget your name or what the color of your eyes are, the sweet scent coming off your skin that made me feel like I was home. Or how the stars were aligned the moment we met.

Never forget about how happy you felt when you finally realized things are finally falling back into place after it being torn apart for so long.

Never forget about how scared you felt when you thought that this was your only chance to really say how you feel.

Never forget about those who were there for you when you thought no one else was.

Maybe all of this is just the fear to keep on living.

-Vivian

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